It’s been longer than I thought I would make it, much longer. I thought the pain would become less as time went on, but it hasn’t.
I tried to erase you from my life, I thought I was doing okay for a bit. First it was sleepless nights and not being able to eat, that turned into one too many drunken nights.
Of being someone I wasn’t, pretending to be okay while meeting all these new people and hiding the real mess I was.
I got rid of every reminder of you, the pictures, the cinema tickets and the teddy you got me for our 6 month anniversary. They are in a bag in my cupboard, I can’t bring myself to throw them away.
Then I stopped drinking, drinking to forget was a bad idea. I just felt it all again just even worse. I started to workout again, to work out my frustration & sadness you’ve given me.Even now, when I got what I wanted with someone else. The pain is still there, the memories are still there. It feels like yesterday when you shocked me, even though I knew it was going to happen.
That distraction of someone new didn’t work, I couldn’t imagine being the same way I was with you, with another as much as I so badly want to. I can’t stand being alone now.
So tell me, how do I forget you? How do I move on when I have tried everything I can think of? Ive tried everything.